I don't know if you've had your feelings get in the way from going anywhere. I feel so BLOCKED. No matter how hard I have tried today, I can't explain. i don't even feel the need to talk about it. I am gonna write every thing right now in my journal. I miss. i know i say it each time but this is as close as it gets for now. i think it hit me most when i was watching the recordings today. i started to cry not so much when I watched and listened to the video on my phone of Vienna and the beginning/middle of Happiness. no matter what, last night was incredible. no matter what. "Your it"

1. Isaac Slade
2. Alex Dezen
3. Dan Layus
4. Ace Enders

Musicians and REAL people who are very important to me.

RAHHHHHHHH
I'm going through my playlists on youtube.
and this one reminds me of this time last year.
so. much. I can feel it in my bones. all over.
these musicians are the most beautiful to me. i mean that sincerelyy.
and this Christmas time and new years will be better. i am appreciating it more.




i just want to cry. the sound of these people/musicians are beautiful.
oh oh oh oh BE MY BABY,. and i'll look after you. oh oh oh oh BE MY BABY oh oh oh ohhh.. OH OH OH BE MY BABY AND I'LL LOOK AFTER YOU. ladadaladlaldanvjkdbafjk

i wish i can meet someone in real life who feels what I feel when I hear these people sing. and just when I hear the music stop or these videos stop, it's gone. that feeling i only only only feel when i hear them. it's magic. beautiful. nothing no nothing nothing can change my mind. i'm a little older now but oh my god. it just gets more deeper than before. i'll shake sometimes or just close my eyes and lay my head on my hands. or maybe you have to read this and listen to something beautiful to understand what I feel. ugh I feel ridiculous. but I want to look back on this and remember this feeling. it's so returning. and that right there are those few people/musicians. MAGICAL.



you don't u n d e r s t a n d what this is like for me. maybe you do. yeah maybe,



(JULIA DON'T LISTEN TO THIS. PLEASE. IT'S ON YOUR MIXTAPE.)


i need to take this song on a drive. and i want everything and everyone misty. <3

i want so much right now.
more than I will ever deserve.

Merry Christmas. Thank you

"Oh Jack you see, I felt like your mirror with the wind whipping through my hair."

i can't stop thinking about The Fray.

soon it will be Christmas day.

seven days from today. austin, the fray, winter, christmas. i'm gonna cry..

When you're only 18 And you got nothing to lose

i don't know if you know but it snowed today in Houston. real life snow falling hard from the sky. i never seen anything like it. i think my favorite part was leaving work right on golden hour and rushing home to my camera and driving to the nearest field listening to "sand in your shoes". my boots were soaked with freezing mud. and i took this:




someone close to me used this as her desktop and it made me smile heartily. <3

couches in alleys

I can't see why you'd want to live here.

The Fray were Grammy nominated twice tonight. I feel like crying. My eyes are straining themselves from watering and my throat feels like a knot and I'm overwhelmed of happiness that it hurts. (Every Happiness version I have is on repeat right now and I never missed anything so much.) God I can't wait to revisit them two weeks and a half from now and that our date is close to Christmas or how we'll be in Austin city togethe just like that one time when I turned sixteen. I can't wait for the trip. in every way. and feel the cold on my cheeks while i wait in line and see them just one more time. When I was younger, I imagined what it would be like to see them during Christmas season. I had pictures made up in my head. I love them. I love them. I LOVE THEM.

This was today. I drove to places with her today. She's the closest thing I have to beautiful. after max..heh

this morning I went on the first drive with my own car and Neil Young was playing in the background and my canon was on the passenger seat and it was drizzling rain and all the colors of the trees were gold. i drove around the airport and I found a few back roads. i spotted this sorta empty road so I turned back around and parked along the edge and turned off my car and got out and stood in the center and just felt the cold air hit my face. I had my camera strapped around my neck so I focused on taking the perfect picture. I went looking for more roads to stop at and I kept going down the main street until I found another perfect place. and i didddd. and it was beautiful. I walked a bit far and I found a gravel road and there were leaves everywhere and I thought I was alone but a lady in a hat drove by and she smiled at me and I felt like everything was harmless.

we won't be sleeping in our autumn beds

I don't want autumn to end. not now.