How to save A Life

There was this one time in my life when it was my twin brother and I and we were making a video for "How to save a life" I can remember him telling me to cry like I meant it and I asked him "do you want me to be for real about this, do you want to see me cry?" I cried listening to that song so hard that the music blocked out and I was stuck with this motion in my head where all these planted memories of hard times rushed out and it was just me crying and him watching. That day I felt like my brother just knew. I think about him every night. I wonder if he's ok and if he needs me. I told him I was going to be here for him always and that I love him so much. The kind of love that will make you do anything for that person. This year is coming to a close end. I need a good cry. I need his hug

And all your plastic people with plastic hearts and smiles

I hate when something you like shows up and everything else around you starts to fall apart. I lost my job yesterday. 1 year and nine months at that place and now I lost it. I feel like I'm losing a lot now. I think about this entire year and feel like I lost everything that was good for me. I lost friends, I lost my camera, my job..That last thing I want is for people to feel sorry for me. I'm losing touch with my favorite band in the entire world. This year was just idk..different. But I remember the best parts of it. I'm gonna go come up with a list of this past year and maybe share it with myself..Being seventeen was for my own good.

this is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about

i don't always share what I have on my computer. But this is how me and my pen pal feel. hah

Sometimes I get scared that I will lose everything I have ever collected on this computer since the past couple of years. I would have a panic attack. and never use that computer again.
Modest Mouse is good for the mind. Augustana is in Seattle right now.

passenger seat :)

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

"do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.

When you feel embarrassed then i'll be your pride
When you need directions then i'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.

It's snowing in Texas

I wish this could last. It's so beautiful

i slept through all today and rearranged my head.

Sometimes I wish my feelings would just disappear. and I wouldn't have to feel anymore. I'll become numb to everything I'd experience in my life. Like Andrew Largeman. Except I want this for my own good. Because in the end everyone ends up alone. Isaac Slade said this on one of his songs and I knew what he meant from that. This new year will be great. I'll get car, my camera, go to college, have my own room, meet new people, go to shows. I get paid Thursday. I still don't know what to get my friend for secret santa. I wish I was like some people who don't have to work to get what they want. I hate that it's so easy for them. December is going good. Now I think I'll go listen to bright eyes and fall asleep with the window open. It's raining outside

i ride the wave back home

You showed me just how silly love could be

we missed out on autumn.

Some day, ill toss all your presents,
and bury, the letters left unsent,
cause its bad to do whats easy,
just cause its easy and i,
wanna do what pleases me but i cant

and the rode she'd rode, around the side of the mountain, with nowhere to go
but the heart we'd known, when its leaning and its creeping toward being alone

some day, ill find the mind to mend it,
and make dry, these eyes have gotten wet,
cause its bad to do whats easy, just cause ts easy, and i wanna do what pleases me but i cant, oh no no

and the crow he'd know, in the grass and no, with nowhere to go
but the heart we'd know, when its loving its leaving towards being alone

and the oats we sow, they can seed on forever, with nowhere to grow
but the heart we'd know, when its asking its exact way to go to not be alone