this morning I went on the first drive with my own car and Neil Young was playing in the background and my canon was on the passenger seat and it was drizzling rain and all the colors of the trees were gold. i drove around the airport and I found a few back roads. i spotted this sorta empty road so I turned back around and parked along the edge and turned off my car and got out and stood in the center and just felt the cold air hit my face. I had my camera strapped around my neck so I focused on taking the perfect picture. I went looking for more roads to stop at and I kept going down the main street until I found another perfect place. and i didddd. and it was beautiful. I walked a bit far and I found a gravel road and there were leaves everywhere and I thought I was alone but a lady in a hat drove by and she smiled at me and I felt like everything was harmless.

we won't be sleeping in our autumn beds

I don't want autumn to end. not now.

I wish we could go on a holiday forever. I don't want my mom to go back to work, i don't want any of this to end. i love the cold air outside right now and the dead leaves and the pumpkin pie and the warm hugs from my mom and being home and safe. While the turkey was baking, I went outside with my camera. It's the most fun I've had all year. I'm glad I got it at eighteen. I'm glad we shared Thanksgiving together. I want to freeze this moment so bad.

Picture of the dayyyyyyy:



There were tiny dandelions by the small field next to home and I fluttered the end to make them fly all over. They landed in my hair and all over my boots. It was nice. :)

So I went out and explored with my camera today after a really long day of work. I felt like I was escaping from it all. I'm so happy with it. This is what I've been waiting for and now it's happening and it feels great. I just want to shout of happiness. if that makes sense. This picture here was my favorite of all the takes. This is the beginning of something for me and I feel good about it. Who knows, I'm probably all wrong. I hope you love it as much as I do :)




I almost forgot. :) I met an old woman named Patsy Slade today. I explained to her the importance of her last name while we shared a nice moment. She laughed about it and said something along the lines of him coming on tv and I just went along with it and said yes haha. This week's been good. Can't wait for Thanksgiving and the third night with my camera.

my horoscope yesterday...


"Your dreams can actually help to answer a lingering question today, but you'll need to take the time to explore their symbolism. Even if you cannot remember all the details, your subconscious puts you in touch with what's important now. Your current lesson has to do with how your unfettered imagination can help you create a better future. Remember, what exists in reality begins as a mere thought first."

made so much sense.

I GOT MY CAMERA I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY. TODAY I WILL REMEMBER ALWAYS.

I'm getting a little tired of Walmart Customers. Today this old man grabbed me by the hand and kissed it and told me I had beautiful eyes. I felt so uncomfortable and all the people in line were staring. I just gave him my sympathetic face.

One more month

Yesterday I found out from Julia that The Fray are coming back to Austin. It's so funny how I found out because I was in bed with my phone and her text showed up and once I read it, it nearly gave me a heart attack. I started shaking when we were texting back and forth and and I got my net book and started to look it up. Then I realized that I found out exactly one month before and it made me smile. So December 16th is when I will see The Fray again. That's...30 days from today. oh my God. 30 days. that songggg. I remember singing it over and over and over when I was with Sadie and when we made videos of our feet swinging and our terrible karaoke aaand all that Christmas I spent it telling her about The Fray and taking polaroids and the ocean. I can't wait for December. I can't wait to see them again.

30 days till christmas and all I know
Is I'm not quite ready to let go of this past year
I have so much to show
One more month and all I need
Is a sign from you, that you think of me
If you don't, then please just say so
Cause all I do, is think of you

And it's wearing me out, it's wearing me down
This holiday, is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift, you see
I'm making a list, hell, I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love you

Who would've thought that someone like me
Could've fallen in love so easily
I know that you know that I know what I want
I know I can't have it but give it a thought
I know that it sounds crazy, baby
But all I do is think of you

It's wearing me out, it's wearing me down
This holiday, is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift, you see
I'm making a list, hell, I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love...

Everything you throw my way
I know it's hard to say, but it's a crying shame
That I came all this way, with so much to say
But all that came out was happy holiday
A home cooked meal and a nice warm bed
Somebody to love a place to lay my head
But I got 30 days and ima make them count
Cause I can't call it christmas without someone to smile about

october came

i love gold grass and cold air and Christmas decorations on coca cola’s. I love the ending of a countdown and buying goodies for my favorite bands. i love the color magenta. and i love my taste in stuffff. i love how i girly i feel in my flats. i love today. happy birthday mommy. most of all, I love you

there are so many things i miss right now. most of it are just songs i haven't listened to in a whileee. i miss my favorite bands. :( it's ridiculous. Honestly, I can't wait for the fray to get back on tour. I'm just counting down the days. NOV 14th will be here in just four short/long? days. i'm so nervous to see meese this saturday. last night when I was just lying in bed with my eyes open in the dark, something came up in my mind. It reminded me of a christmas present I got from someone two years ago. Well here's to hoping i can find that dvd and cd to give to the meese brothers. today at work this girl told me my hair was gorgeous. she made me smile. I can't wait for it to get a little bit longer. sometimes i still can't believe the morning light broke up and that i didn't get to see Alex Dezen in Dallas this weekend or that I'm gonna miss Augustana this saturday. None of this makes any sense to me. i wanna cry and hide underneath the covers. i don't want this year to be over. this year means so much to me. despite all the bad stuff, this is graduation year. This is the year I changed. the year that I grew up.

The time has come for colds and overcoats.
We're quiet on the ride,
we're all just waiting to get home.
Another week away, my greatest fear.
I need the smell of summer,
I need its noises in my ears.
If looks could really kill,
then my profession would be staring.
Please know we do this cause we care
and not for the thrill.
Collect calls to home
to tell them that I realize
that everyone who lives will someday die
and die alone.

And we won't let you in.
Though we're down and out.
We won't let you in.
You win.

I wrote more postcards than hooks.
I read more maps than books.
Feel like every chance to leave
is another chance I should have took.
Every minute is a mile.
I've never felt so hollow.
I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews
and empty aisles.
My secrets for a buck.
Watch me as I cut myself wide open
on this stage. Yes, I am paid
to spill my guts. I won't see home till spring.
Oh, I would kill for the Atlantic,
but I am paid to make girls panic
while I sing.

And we won't let you in.
Though we're down and out.
We won't let you in.
And we won't let you in.
We don't want what isn't ours.
We won't let you in.
You win.

And the coastline is quiet.
While we're quietly losing control.
Yes, we're silent but sure
we invented the cure
that will wash out my memories of her.
"The harpoon is loaded. The cage is lowered.
The water is red."
Like you.

'cause I can dish it out, but I can't take it.

Last night I got to see Jesse Lacey and the rest of the band dressed up in costumes. It was really great. To me, that night Jesse was this person I didn't know in disguise. His eyes were hidden under a mask and they were the most mysterious I had ever seen. His whole being and the fact that he was up on that stage playing in a full house with everyone cheering him on. It was the best. I sincerely enjoyed every second of it. So when I was watching him front row and I was surrounded by all those fans, something came over me. I guess after seeing it live, it changes e v e r y t h i n g. Well happy November first. One thing I won't forget from that night was Julia's text. "I hope your enjoying the last 45 minutes of October" God, I hadn't even cared to check the time. I was in downtown for the first time alone on Halloween night just finished watching one of the greatest bands alive. It was surreal. I'm ready to move on though. October was so good to me. I miss you already.