but I'd eat beans if you'd just stay

This blog might start out a little crazy but I just don't want to forget any of it. even if it was all unreal. last night my cousin and I had a dream about I s a a c. ok I KNOW. it sounds stupid but just let me finish here. pleasee. I'm listening to Casiotone For The Painfully Alone "Traveling Salesman’s Young Wife Home Alone On Christmas In Montpelier, VT" The lyrics and melody are ridiculously perfect right now. my dream was weird..yeah it was and what made it weirdly amazing was giggling and smirking and chapstick name writing with him. I don't understand how dreams can just be so blissful and unreal like that. It ruins me. That's what we get for staying up and missing out on a saturday night to stay in and remember July 25th 2009. That sounds like meee. idk. that was my dream. anyway, the weirdest part was waking up to tell my dream to my cousin and she told me she had one of him too. She said this one was strange. she was taking a picture with him and when she reviewed over it, I was her in the photo. Then isaac said something like this along the lines "I didn't mean to cut her out, seriously" he was speaking to me and I wasn't there in her dreams. In real life, she told me I ruined her moment. She also said that was her first dream of..that. you know..him? I felt so sorry. but i also felt a fresh breath of air fill inside of me. I MISS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I MISS EVERYTHING THAT YOU COULD THINK OF. I MISS. But i love feeling this way. i'm working on a mix tape right now.

"here comes the frost that freezes every year
shutter windows hang the Advent calendar
what are you doing on your own with frozen ears
I know we're changing like the trees in Montpelier

you took a job that put you on the road
for days & weeks in motels' sleepy TV glow
with static filtering through pay phones in the snow
it drowns your home by Christmases & love you so's

& all our promises come so easy
they fill distances til our next meeting
but you're always off the phone
long before I'd prefer to be

& I know that we should get some money saved
I've felt the kicking growing in me every day
oh we'll live fat & happy when you get home you will say
but I'd eat beans if you'd just stay

& all our promises are so fleeting
when all I really want is you close to me
but you were already out the door
by the time that occurred to me"