ATTN:

Something came up today after I went to go visit The Fray's myspace. I saw the Alabama date for their tour in September and I freaked. I don't know how long it has been posted, but I realized it today after checking for assurance that they wouldn't be nowhere near me. Huntsville, Alabama according to Google, is only 12 hrs away. It's gonna be at this festival the Alabamians have each year and it's so nice. I don't have any money to plan ahead but starting tomorrow I'm going to do all that I can. I'm so sad that all I can do is try. It makes me feel like a failer. I don't know if my mammi or pappi can drive the car for a full day. So I think this is what I will do.

1.) Buy a Greyhound bus pass.
2.) Run away and lie to my parents.
3.) Invite my darhling cousin so I won't be alone..

If my brother or anyone in my family reads this the day I am missing. Please tell everyone that I am okay and I am safe because I am with The Fray.

i always eat so much junk food and i never gain a pound. i'm tired of people always asking me why i am so skinny. it gets old. maybe i should eat every hour. so then i can get fat and they never have to ask me that again haha. i love food. i eat food so fast it gets hard to swallow it down. sometimes i even forget to chew. i used to get hiccups all the time after i ate. i asked my chemistry teacher a long time ago i always hiccup and he told me that i was gonna die because of it. it scared the heck out of me when he said that. i am so gullible that everyone and absolutely everyone makes fun of me for it. I don't think it's partcially my fault though. everyone has something wrong with them. but then there's perfect people that walk around without even realizing how flawless they are. it's so beautiful. i know that has nothing to do with anything but my mind gets distracted. Which is another thing wrong with me. I can't wait for the weekend. I'm going to a party where there's lots of drinks. Honestly, I am so excited to drink..I've never been "drunk" before. So there's that. I guess you have that.

At their faces I'm looking But your feet I'm following

3 days have passed since I last saw The Fray. And I realize that time is a fragment in our minds. All of "it goes away so quickly it was never there to begin with"...At least it's how I feel each time they leave me in such a state. But I have my memories to keep and my dreams to wander as far as. I feel like my head is going to explode. I just want to let you, my blog, this other existence of my secrecy that I never share in real life. My loneliness and whatever you want to call it haha. Let you know that last Saturday night was best. God, I wish you could know clearly how fine it felt for me to see them move and respond to their music so well on stage. It's the most precious thing to see in my eyes. I don't know when I will get to see that again but I sure hope it's very soon. When I saw Meese on that stage turn into a reality, my heart soaked itself with happiness. It was true and pure. I wasn't going insane. So I took all of it in. I started breathing heaven. or something spontaneous like that. :) I'm so glad it happened. Here's a list of things I want to share with you. I think you'll understand. or maybe you already do, I don't know anymore.

1.) Rod Blackhurst walks up to the stage in front of the barricade right before The Fray's set just before 9pm and tells me "For you Jeannette" or idk, I couldn't hear him well because it happened so fast. But I heard my name. And he gives me this:



That was the sweetest thing anyone could do for me. I'm gonna hang it on my wall and whenever I look up at it I will remember July 25, 2009. I wish I knew how it happened. and why he did it.

2.) Joe, Dave, Ben, Isaac +crew come out during Meese's set to prank and wrap toilet paper all over them haha :) It was a sight to see.

3.)Isaac sings "Where The Story Ends" as a piano solo.

4.)Meese comes out in Underwear during "Heartless"

Those were major parts of the night. I wrote all the other significant pieces in my notebook to keep for myself.

In other news, I need to climb out of this hole I'm stuck sitting in now. I do enjoy the hole but it's not safe. I do want to lay there and watch the clouds pass by day and night and not worry about a thing. because at least I have that but that's not how I should spend myself. I need to snap out of it..for now I guess.

“I took her love at seventeen”

This Saturday is finally going to happen. It'll be another dream stolen from me and it will turn into a real life moment. I know I won't learn how to grasp it until I see it before my eyes. My heart tells me I should be jumping around doing cartwheels, really exploding because it's how I feel inside. But I think I'll be just fine. All I know is this night will be significant for me, more than any other show in the entire world. I hope it's everything I picture it to be. I had a nervous breakdown over it this past week..It's so funny how my emotions take over me during the most important times of life! It scares me. My brothers started laughing at me of course and I couldn't help to laugh at my own self haha. I didn't mean to cry in front of them or my mom. I just couldn't hold it in no longer.

Today I got my Julia's birthday package in the mail. It made me feel really sentimental all of a sudden and I felt good. I miss seeing the beauty in things. I've just been so caught up in the ugliness that now I'm letting it all come back. If that makes sense. I'm just glad I got myself back to normal just in time for Saturday. Julia's package included my mixed tape, Polaroid film, The US of Leland DVD, the Transatlanticism album, Ace's signed poster, the most treasure notebook of all time that includes excerpts off the mixed tape, a note, an older fray sticker that Rod sent to her with his camera. I love all of it so much with a passion.

Saturday for those who don't know, is The Fray, Meese, Jack's Mannequin concert all rolled into one. AKA THE TIME. OF. MY. LIFE.

"He was like a sleeping elephant.
You can do whatever you want around a sleeping elephant; whatever you want.
But when he wakes up, he tramples everything."

hear what I hear

If you come as softly as wind within the trees, you may hear what I hear, see what sorrow sees.

homeward bound

He's waiting at the station
He's not taking any train
He's a kid from Colorado
Counting the raindrops in the drain

He's sleeping in the tunnel
He's now edging for the vent
He's a lonesome river swimmer
Wondering where the river went

Who's gonna carry him down?
Who's gonna carry him down?
One more turn around and he'll be homeward bound
Who's gonna carry him, carry him down?

There's a landlord on the benches
There's a posse on the train
There's an angel up in heaven
Who forgot somebody's name

Who's gonna carry him down?
Who's gonna carry him down?
One more turn around and he'll be homeward bound
Who's gonna carry him, carry him down?

Who's gonna carry him down?
Who's gonna carry him, carry him down?
One more turn around and he'll be homeward bound
Who's gonna carry him, carry him down?

Who's gonna carry him down?
Who's gonna carry him down?
One more turn around and he'll be homeward bound
Who's gonna carry him, carry him down?

"I cant remember the last thing that you said as you were leaven Now the days go by so fast"

"I cant remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass"

"See the lonely boy out on the weekend..."

These days are going by swimmingly. Especially since July 25th is just around the corner. I think that's a good thing. I know it's a good thingg. I haven't written in ages so I'll just say this. I met this handsome fellow with daring colorful eyes and we're just starting to talk and i don't get how all of a sudden I agreed to have a relationship with him. Because that's what it seems like to him. This is where I'm starting to believe I have commitment issues with guys. I really do think I'm straying my self from being in a relationship. I don't know what's wrong with me. He is too much and I don't deserve him. I just think I haven't found the right one. I am so stupid. So there's that. I guess you have that. I really do hope july 25th is everything like how I imagine it to be. I really do need it. More than anyone can understand right now.

sail away sail away sail away

Hope everyone had a *SPARKLY* 4th! <3 My favorite people at the moment.