I didn't feel lost, I felt secured

January 26, 2009 is a night I will replay in my head over and over again. It 's one of those memories where you ask yourself "Did that
really happen?" "Was I really here?" It all started on a Sunday morning when I sat down with Dad and talked about our plans for tomorrow.
It wasn't my idea to leave that evening but we did. It was the only way it could work out. I had all my things ready feeling sure that I had
everything I needed. We stayed the night at a cheap hotel room. A few miles from the station the guys would be playing at the next morning.
I couldn't sleep. I think I didn't get any sleep at all. I just remember myself lying there in that hotel bed that felt used and all the happy
thoughts I dreamed about were finally hitting me. This powerful feeling of overwhelm ness came over me. That in a couple of hours I would see
Isaac, Joe, Ben and Dave, that in a couple of hours I would meet Melinda and Dawn. That in a couple of hours I'd feel bottled up with words I don't know
how to act to. The next thing I knew I was up getting ready watching the news and texting Melinda. It was cold and rainy outside. I love rainy days
but I remember wishing it was a warm day in the summer. I couldn't have been any happier then I know I would be this year. There I was zooming myself
out of this haze while I pictured myself sitting in the car on my way to the building. It was five am. It happened like I imagined it to be. I was excited to meet Melinda.
We sat and chatted and I managed to make small talk with Dawn. There we were. Waiting with anticipation. We doubted at times that they'd let us come in
and watch but it really happened. We were given a note card with a number. I was number "8" and Melinda number "9". At one point while we waited outside the
door, a man came over and asked how many of us had the cards. I tip toed to peek in and there he was. Isaac looked really warm and cozy sitting there sound
checking looking towards us. In that moment everything blocked out. All I heard was those piano keys and Isaac's speech impediment, as he calls it haha <3. It was real. The doors closed and the man that had came out to ask us about the cards had locked the door. We were escorted in. I kinda let myself get distracted by my surroundings. I held back and watched the guys sit together while fans rushed in to grab seats. Melinda and I even ended up sharing one. I'm kinda sad that I can't remember when Melinda was giving Isaac their bagels but I have an image in my head where Isaac is holding the box about to set it down. The interview was perfect. We shared mostly laughter, and moments I wish lasted forever. I felt so safe in there with them. Like nothing could go wrong. There were times when the station would have breaks and it gave us chances to meet the guys. I just sat there still while I watched Isaac come over to sign phones, and more phones, and mostly just phones all in front of me. Ben, Dave, and Joe were in the background making small talk with the important people. I kinda knew when It was the right time to meet them. The break ended and the guys quickly flew back to there spots. We went at it again, listening and watching closely as Joe and Isaac spoke of the record and other happenings. Break 2 and the important people passed out postcards of the promo picture, made specially for them to sign for us. I held on close to mine and chose to wait until the end of everything to meet them. (I was so nervous) After the interview I felt like those were the boys I've been dreaming about the past couple of years. That as soon as the music flowed out of them I became familiar with the raw emotion I was experiencing right in front of my very own eyes. I took it in like any great fan would do. It was beautiful. I wanted so badly to cry and shout that they complete me and that because of them, I am who I am. But I held my emotions back like a normal person and sat there in awe. What more could I have asked for? I thanked God that I was there. It felt just right to do so. In just a blink of an eye it was over. I got up and felt ready to approach them but I held back once more. There were a couple of fans stealing them away and I let them. I was a nervous wreck. but I finally did it. And the most stupidest thing I did was say nothing. I just couldn't say what I wanted to say. I let it pass me by and I even forgot about the letter in my back pocket and the shout out I wanted Isaac or Joe to say. Happy birthday to me. I'm telling myself there must be a reason I couldn't say anything. I don't think I was nervous when I told them to sign my card but I didn't want to come off to strong. I wanted them to remember me but no, they couldn't. It was the first time meeting Joe. We stood there as we spelled my name out together. He liked my jacket. I remember he had his hand up in the air and I had no idea what he was trying to do but then I realized he wanted a high five lol..So I gave him one. Dave was nice. He kinda sounds sarcastic when he speaks to the random fans but I'm okay with that. I know he's just trying to be friendly. I wanted so badly to tell him The predator script blew me away but again I didn't want to come off to strong. Ben introduced himself to me for the 2nd time. "Hi, I'm Ben." I just chuckled and shook his hand. Last but not least was meeting Isaac. I think back now and I laugh. Just when we were getting ready for the picture he compliments my jacket and how old school it was and I told him "Austin 2006" I'm so stupid...I don't know what I was thinking. It was actually Austin, January 2007. I bet he thought I was wrong and weird for even wearing that haha. but first he made fun of me when I spoke a few words to him. I was so nervous around him. I know he didn't intentionally do it to make me feel bad but I was a wreck. Honest to goodness, I don't remember what happened after that. I think we walked away from each other and I saw dawn showing her glorious poster to him.

I met Holly at the venue. It was nice seeing her and I'm thankful she helped me find my way to the line inside the venue. I was person number "8" in line at the venue hah. Melinda was number "9" lol. Dawn and her daughter and niece were already there. Holly told me she had seen the guys walk inside the building in front of them. I wish I was there earlier to had seen it. The first five people (included dawn, her daughter, niece and these random people that came a long way to watch the show) in line had an exclusive peek of The Fray's sound check. I heard absolute over and over and it was teasing and teasing. There was this weird guy that bought Holly's extra ticket that made small talk with me. I shouldn't have never smiled at him in the first place. I guess he took it as a sign of acceptance and came over to talk. He told me half of his life story and I just listened. He even pulled out his ipod and we listened to Little House. I kinda got annoyed and started to text Melinda who was right next to the both of us, that he was getting annoying and to ask him a question so I can take that nasty ear plug out of my ear and get distracted with something else. He even asked me if something was wrong towards the end. hahaha er. Yeah..YOU. so we get rid of him and we wait in line. While the line was getting really long and we're in the very front, I see him walking up towards me and skips everyone to stand in line with me. HIS BREATH SMELLED LIKE ONIONS. I WAS SO ANNOYED BY HIM. I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO TURN AROUND TO TALK TO HIM. I DON'T KNOW WHO WAS HE KIDDING. BUT OMG.. then this line of people out of nowhere stand next to us and I'm freaking out. That smelly guy asked me what was the lead singer's name and this chik out of nowhere says. "Isaac" and He was look oh coool. and Melinda only moving her eyes to mine makes an ugly face to me because of him hahahaha. I was even texting Holly to tell her how bad this guy was. The show was perfect. It was, it was! and everything about it made my stomach tangle..I just knew so much that no one knew and it was killing me slowly. Say When and Htsal was the most breath taking thing I had ever seen. I wish I had a better view of Isaac but that's how it went. And that's how it goes. I shared many many many glances with Ben and Dan. Never once Joe looked at me but I knew he felt I was. Everything was so great. It was a nice show that they had put on. Second favorite of there's evereverever. Until who knows when. Today is my birthday. The show was the 26th, the leak 27th. The most perfect gift an eighteen year old girl could ask for. <3332867>