Gave up her existence to feel everything

Things have been really weird lately. I keep having dreams that end up happening or just really strong connections that tie with reality and it's beginning to mess with my mind. Last night I had a dream about transforming into a werewolf and I was in the hallway prowling on my predator and my dad was trying to calm me down and kept holding a mirror in my face and he showed me what I was turning into. Right when I woke up I checked the time and it was about 5 am and so I decided to get on IG and saw that MiWi La Lupa (who plays bass and vocals with Conor on this tour) liked my photo of Conor and it wasn't until I fully woke up in the morning and noticed he had pictures of wolves everywhere. It got weirder after that. I went on youtube later that day and found this clip of Conor talking about his Cassadaga album and all of a sudden he mentions his song Hot Knives and it being about a woman transforming into a different species and not being able to exist in her reality. After that I listened to Lupa's album for the first time and his song "When You're Gone" in particular grabbed my attention because he's singing "I packed my things, I called my wolves, and I hit the open road" and I kept thinking about my dream and Conor's words and then Conor's voice comes through in the same song and he's now singing about wolves too. I had to take a walk. I felt like a balloon about to burst. I don't know what it all means but I'm really thankful for this "awakening". :/

Anyway, I'm really excited that October is here. I got Julia's letter in the mail and there's just so many new beginnings happening everywhere and I feel okay. I saw white pumpkins today and my freebird boots came in and Somewhere Under Wonderland Vinyl is on the way and I borrowed my friend's ipod and i'm gonna fill it with beautiful music and I'm gonna end the year well.

I keep looking back for artifacts to prove that you were here

Sept. 19, 2014. I laughed, I danced, I cried, and I felt indifferent all at the same damn time. Maybe it was the wanting and giving up on seeing Conor Oberst for more than six years and to see him there plain just fucked me up. I don't really want to get into detail with that night but it's gonna be a performance I won't ever forget. I want to mention tho that his dance moves were on point and his jump mic roping will have me laughing for years to come. Sept. 27 is coming up, that's 6 years since the first time I saw Conor live. I was 17 years old. Alone at Austin City Limits. Anyway, it's this Saturday. I'll go out with a bang. Like Hemingway. Time to CELEBRATE.

I had a dream last night that my brother couldn't talk to me because he was on a plane and he had to put his phone on airplane mode and he was on the way to Miami it was weird because ever since he started his life with his girl we don't talk anymore. It made me sad. I woke up and felt pretty inspired and almost like i was re awaken and now i'm planning a trip to Paris, Texas at the Old Magnolia House and Bed and I'm gonna pick up my cameras again and take pretty polaroids and listen to The Head and the Heart and see where the rode takes me. I hope I can fit something in before the year ends. 2014 was and still is my year.

The lonely 1

Realizing that summer is ending and everything will go back to real life and I'm not quite ready to move on. It's been so hard these days trying to go back to normal but I've been so used to it for so many years that by now it should be easier for me. I know that everything is changing and a lot of things will be left behind and i think that for me it really sucks because i hold on to those memories closely and I know I should let go.

I still can't let go

I was headed home after the most epic trip of my life. I was so torn that it was ending and the only song that was playing in my head were the lyrics to Boyz II Men, "End Of The Road" I was sitting in the back of the car listening to the song and I was looking out to the canyons and back to Liz and silently crying and just trying to freeze that moment in my head because I wasn't ready to move on. After about an hour of driving we entered Yucca Valley and that was when I saw this beautiful mural. I can't tell you how amazing it made me feel.

Oh man another moment I had on the road was reading Johnny Cash's the autobiography and on the chapter "The Road" he talks about "Walk The Line" and how he got the inspiration to the melody and says he put on a barbarian tape and started to hear some sort of spooky church music and realized that the tape had gotten turned around and realized he was listening to it backwards. Well on that last day of our trip (a little bit after I saw "The End" mural) I played "Hold My Hand" by The Fray on my iphone and somehow it started playing it in reverse and at first it freaked me out because it sounded so haunting like johnny described it. I was sort of lost to what was happening and I even tested other songs like "Hurricane" and it was doing the same thing. All I could think about was "Walk The Line"

I really can't wait to start working on my playlist of all the songs that reminded me of that trip. Hopefully soon. Goodbye for now.

"Don't date a girl who travels"

She’s the one with the messy unkempt hair colored by the sun. Her skin is now far from fair like it once was. Not even sun kissed. It’s burnt with multiple tan lines, wounds and bites here and there. But for every flaw on her skin, she has an interesting story to tell. Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it. Don’t date a girl who travels because she will bug you to book a flight every time there’s an airline seat sale. She wont party at Republiq. And she will never pay over $100 for Avicii because she knows that one weekend of clubbing is equivalent to one week somewhere far more exciting. Chances are, she can’t hold a steady job. Or she’s probably daydreaming about quitting. She doesn’t want to keep working her ass off for someone else’s dream. She has her own and is working towards it. She is a freelancer. She makes money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don’t waste her time complaining about your boring job. Don’t date a girl who travels. She might have wasted her college degree and switched careers entirely. She is now a dive instructor or a yoga teacher. She’s not sure when the next paycheck is coming. But she doesn’t work like a robot all day, she goes out and takes what life has to offer and challenges you to do the same. Don’t date a girl who travels for she has chosen a life of uncertainty. She doesn’t have a plan or a permanent address. She goes with the flow and follows her heart. She dances to the beat of her own drum. She doesn’t wear a watch. Her days are ruled by the sun and the moon. When the waves are calling, life stops and she will be oblivious to everything else for a moment. But she has learned that the most important thing in life isn’t surfing. Don’t date a girl who travels as she tends to speak her mind. She will never try to impress your parents or friends. She knows respect, but isn’t afraid to hold a debate about global issues or social responsibility. She will never need you. She knows how to pitch a tent and screw her own fins without your help. She cooks well and doesn’t need you to pay for her meals. She is too independent and wont care whether you travel with her or not. She will forget to check in with you when she arrives at her destination. She’s busy living in the present. She talks to strangers. She will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share her passion and dreams. She will be bored with you. So never date a girl who travels unless you can keep up with her. And if you unintentionally fall in love with one, don’t you dare keep her. Let her go"

Misguided by the 405

Do you know that feeling of something really great about to happen but you still feel like it isn't real? Because of how many times you've told yourself you would make this come true and now it's here and you don't feel as excited as you thought you'd be. As if something was missing. I can't stop thinking about this trip. In two days I will be picking up Liz in an airport and I will meet her for the first time and it will be the greatest escape in the whole world. She's really important to me and I hope this trip will be everything I could ever imagine. I've made about 15 mixtapes for the road. I'm really freaking out.

Follow the signs back to you

I forgot to say April Fool's for that romantic post there. There is no doode. Probably won't be for a long time ha! I did leave out some stuff from this month. like when I went to go see the arcade fire i found one of their merch shirts on the ground and when Win Butler invited us to pit and also i accidently got an extra pack of film from the film gods and my luck has completely turned around. I met Dan Layus a couple nights ago. Couldn't really act normal around him so I just asked him to sign my CD. It's incredible how far he's gone and i'm just so happy that he's still around. I can't stop listening to his new album which i really do think is gold. Kevin Devine was phenomenal so I won't be over that in forever. I get to see Ben Kweller next Saturday and it's all happening so fast. I really am feeling overwhelmed. So much beautiful music flowing around me..2014 is going to be my year.