until you disappear in the morning light

London bridge and it made you weep

"I tell you baby when you get back home
We'll catch a train and we're headin South"

Joe Purdy in Austin on Dec 20. SHOULD I GO? i don't know. unless something more important came up. ugh but whatever. :( a long december by the counting crows just came up on my shuffle. the days go by so fast. it's been so long since I've seen the ocean. i haven't written this on blog format but Augustana is coming to Houston the same night Meese is. It ruins me. Meese is my priority. I need to add up more shows. I've only been to two. Third time's a charm hah. ah i'm so cheesy. I can't wait to hug them. I'm gonna hug them. and I'm not gonna let go. and I can't wait to tell them things. The Damnwells are gonna work on a winter record. This is something I can't wrap my head around. I have things to look forward to.

hold me cause i'm lonely without you

this might sound weird and funny but the air smelled so good today. i wish you were there to smell it hah. and my hair. oh man, my hair. it smelled like grass because i laid there after watching where the wild things are and howled up to the trees with max. just like in the movie. :) i don't know if you've ever smelled grass on you. but it' a nice thing. everything felt right you know. fitting and safe. i checked the mail and Julia's letter came and my pack of polaroid film. I waitied very long for it to come. it made me so damn happy. 'round here' has been stuck in my head today. and other stufff. :) I guess October IS my favorite month and this year it's more than magical. it's love. and all of that for me makes the world a lot less uglier. i need a car to get away. and i want my perfect mix cd playing in the background and i want to collect all my feelings of right now and keep it tucked away for whenever i feel this way again. i love revisiting old thoughts and having new ones. it makes me love life. i sound crazy.
i have a red mark on my face. max scratched me.

SO I HUGGED HER NECK
AND SAID I'M SORRY FOR
THE WAY I'VE BEEN, SHE SAID
AW, THAT'S OKAY

INTO MY SHOULDER SHE SAID
OH OH OH OH NOW THAT I'M
OH OH OH OLDER, THE
DISTANCES ON MAPS
HAVE GOT SMALLER
AND PROMISES OF
HAPPINESS
STALLED

I WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN

i feel like my life has owned up to just two things.
i never really thought about owing my life away.

If you were a season, you would be in bloom
I wish I had good reason to see you soon
No need to convince me that you were a catch
I bought my ticket and so at last

this was hard to swallow

remember that

time heals everything.

"when your set out to do something you kinda weigh the risks of how much it's gonna cost and what it's gonna require of you and if that's something you can afford. you go for it. at the beginning of this band when we started out,
i guessed what it was gonna be like, how hard it was gonna be,
and thought it'd be worth it and run after it you know. and it's cost a lot more than i thought it would. personally, relationally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. it's a lot more draining than anybody
ever told me it would be. nobody ever told me this would be your life. everything you do. but i definitely
get the sense that people in visible situations that are far more famous than us, are very alone in there
experience, that most people don't have any idea what it costs of your transparency and your vulnerability to people
you've never met. and i make it sound kind of bleak but all that to say i think it's worth it, i'd do it again in a heartbeat."

PS.

I spent my whole day today as a recovered alcoholic seeing my dad getting baptized. Then we played baseball with all the cool guys and it was so so much fun. Because I kept hitting all the balls and life was good. and precious because i felt alive.