It's bizarre how things for me have been as of lately. I keep trying to figure out what piece is missing in my puzzle. And if there's something I should be doing to find it. This whole year has just been a blurry haze. Do you ever feel that way? For me it's almost to unreal to bare. Slow walking on my way down and then I start to feel less alive. Like maybe all I need is an adrenaline run to something more exquisite than this. a hopeless reason I keep blabbering on about month after month. I've been ready for it a while now. Which is so stupid of me because I'm getting tired of waiting! I need shows. and film. and a car. and new jeans. and inspiration all the time. But that's not it. At least the brighter side is hitting me day by day. I get to witness Meese and The Fray and Jack's Mannequin all on the same stage two months from now. Rachel and I are getting close. so close. ever close. I'm getting my camera soon. Julia is sending me goodies in the mail. My legs are getting pretty..

"These heights get eerie after awhile. I want to go down, way down, far, far, down to the ocean.
That sounds right. Where the waves roll in slowly and there's always a roar and you can't fall anywhere. You're already there."

I have a new desktop background thanks to Rod Blackhurst, Cinematographer + Photographer of The Fray. It's sensational..

now that it's June,
we'll sleep out in the garden..
and if it rains we'll just sink into the mud.

I wake up exhausted it's not morning
It's back to sleep to re-dream me
We're alone and we're happy
But there you are, angry with me
Are you alright I can stand up straight
Are you alright can you get me off your mind
I hated this city before you came here
So let go and move on
We're strangers, we're not friends
I hate this and I hate them
This city's exhausted and it's wound up
Soon to be a place that's just filled up
And I found out that you're angry
And you're sorry you ever met me
Are you alright I can stand up straight
Are you alright can you get me off your mind
I am alright I can stand up straight
Are you alright can you get me off your mind

the medicine's all gone

Movies I've watched this past week..so far(If you care to knowwwww)
1. King of California
2. The Go-Getter
3. Hannah And Her Sisters (Woody Allen)
4. Matchpoint (Woody Allen)

there's other movies I'm interested in watching. This three day weekend is nice so far. I really am enjoying this. I just wish I had someone to cuddle with. and throw popcorn at. haha *sigh*. I picked up my Diana+ . We're having lots of fun together taking pictures. My puppy learned how to walk on a leash. He's so cutee. Now I need to teach him to sleep on his front side..haha. I let my hair dowwwn. wavy long. of course I used products, but no hair spray that makes your hair hard. it looks natural :) I just wish I had more pretty tank tops to go with it. Summer job here I come! I can't wait to start college in the fall.

I'm stuck here getting misty over you

Ace comes back on July 15 and then ten days later I will witness Meese and The Fray and Jack's Mannequin all on the same stage. The should do a cover all together. Oh my gawd. That would be ridonkulous. Anyway, it's the same stage Rod got me up on Friday, July 13, 2007 during Cable Car. I am delighted for this day to come. Only a few people understand how much this night will mean to me. I wish I was in Julia's position right now. She get's to see Andrew and The Fray in a venue instead of an amphitheater! and by then, Rod's package would've came and she'll hold his camera like a bible and only God would know what will happen after that. I kinda have this idea how it could be but I want her to read about that when my letters come. I can't wait to see the extra's rod will send. Julia deserves this camera more than anyone in the world. I really do think that. I can't also wait to see what she'll send to me hah. :p I will treasure it for whatever it may be. Right now the sky is purple and pink just like those summer dusk's. I can't wait for high school to be officially over. I keep thinking right now could have been different and I could have felt something else but I can't tell the difference. Maybe I need to wait for it. Either way, I want to believe I'm ready for the future and I really want to find out what else is out there. I wasn't lying when I told Julia about burying my converse in a box somewhere special. I hope she decides to do it with me too.

spoken upon a long distance melody.

I can't believe senior year is almost over.
I started a little diary today..hah.
There's just somethings I want to look back at and I hope this year can be that for me. I told myself in January, after I had that dream come true of seeing The Fray live again on my birthday, that this year would be so much more. Just seeing them for the 6th time and not even counting but all the moments I'll get to collect in the palm of my hands. I'm glad there's my pen pal. Someday we'll return all our letters from each other and I hope we can look back at them and remember each thought and feeling and every spec of dust we've left for each other the past two years. I need a good mix cd. I want to lay at some field with my arms wide open, listen to music, and watch the clouds go by. and I want there to be lots of goats and my favorite people. TAKE ME TO COLORADO.

she sends me pictures of the ocean in an envelope

Well I say come for the week you can sleep in my bed and pass through my life like a dream through my head, it will be easy, I'll make it easy.
And all I have for the moment is a song to pass the time and a melody to keep me from worryin

She lay on her lawn, spun and alone

And Sendy tells me she's had fun
Sitting backstage, someone's plus one
Up in her room the records spin
Needle in the grooves that she's worn thin
She lifts a sleeve and she sees a name
And she's got a smile on her face
And she's got a story you can't see
That's just between that name and Sendy