I wish I'd see a field below

today hurrican gustav happened. it was very windy outside. and I still went to work. i would sit there and just think how could these people shop for shoes when a hurricane is in the happening. i didn't like today. i don't know what I'm really trying to find anymore. I have this idea that maybe I just need what makes me happy. and thats something I don't have with me anymore. i feel like i'm losing in touch with everything around me. and I never thought I'd find myself saying all of this is just pointless. someone very dear to me told me this today: "Why do we always want what we can't have and always have what we don't really want?" it made me cry. I'm listening to "for my own good" from the damnwells. geeze that song gets me everytime. it just gives me this feeling that I felt the first time I heard it. I don't know whats going to happen. I had this picture in my head where I'm a lot older and I'm thinking back on the times me and my dad would just talk about life over a burger. we did that today and it made me smile. i love him so much. i think the best part of my day was having a moment. I layed on the street with my arms spread wide open and I just felt the wind pass over me. the sky was cloudy and this old lady across the street just kept staring at me. this is semptember 1st.