She goes back to the West Coast to drink in the sunshine

and I will stay here in these dead plains and try to make a seed grow.
and I would pray for rain if I thought that would help.


September was good. It was momentous and disastrous and sad at times but October is here now. It's what I've waited for since autumn disappeared. I was walking through these trees this afternoon and the wind picked up and started blowing all the dead leaves off the branches. I almost caught one, it was nice.

It started feeling like October

I can't wait to send Julia her letter.

austin city limits

i want to go back to standing there in the heat for two hours waiting for Conor to sing for me. i want to feel what i felt when he sung milk thistle. i want everyone to disappear again and its just me and him. i want that emotion to hit me across my face like it did that evening. even if i was alone surrounded by 65,000 other people. I was happy. I never felt so happy being alone. i was having the greatest moment ever. it was just like seeing him there and all this time i've waited for this day to come. where I would finally see him near me. He peformed all the songs off his new album. and he did it with emotion like I've never seen before. I'm so grateful that I had the oppurtunity to go austin to experiance this. i'm gonna miss this. i might see him the next time he goes to austin. lets just say i really really enjoyed myself. there's this picture I took of him and the sun was reflecting on him while he was singing cape canaveral. it was perfect. also the drive was lovely. my mom stopped and i took a couple of polaroids of the sunrise and the fog and it was just so nice. we listened to my cds and i feel asleep with them on. we ate breakfasts and took turns talking. Daniel Johnston signed my acl poster. that was his art by the way. I think mason jennings recognized my name because of the forums. i bought cds and a shirt. i got lost and almost cried. i walked down the highway with the bikers and crowds and i went to ihop and borrowed someone's phone because my died. we ate at taco cabana at 12am and i laughed like never before. i can't wait to go back =)=)

all I could do was put a seashell to your ear

"and i felt i was on fire, with the things i could have told you
i guess i just assumed that you eventually would ask
and i wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart
and all those months i just wanted to sleep
and though spring, it did come slowly, i guess it did its part
my heart has thawed and continues to beat"

I am in it.

The last time I remember drinking a warm cup of coffee was in October. When it was cold and I was bored at work. I feel like drinking coffee in my "Jim" mug just because it's the premier tonight and it's that time of the season again. I hope you know I've waited all year for autumn to be here. I'm waiting to jump in leaves and ride my bike and take pictures and listen to bright eyes. last year I was sixteen and now I'm a year older. I want to find a good tour poster from when I go to ACL this weekend. Also I feel very upset for not purchasing the actual ticket stub. I have the print pass..maybe I can laminate it once I use it?

Canon Rebel xsi

My soon to be soulmate. I'm very excited

I just thought of the most perfect post secret

i should come up with some ideas for it. maybe like a perfect picture

all that I do is wait for you

the strokes remind me of summer. that summer almost beats the one before it.

another three days off of school..I'm upset because i miss Rachel so much that i feel like crying. i thought I saw her on the freeway but it wasn't her. Today i got paid. it felt nice walking up to the photo counter guy and asking him for polaroid film. i'm on a tight budget. But 7 days and i will have the best two days of 2008. Conor Oberst for two nights in a row. i thought about it and I don't think I've ever felt so excited for anything to happen in a long time. more like this year. I haven't been myself these past few days. I can hear myself screaming inside. I should be packing soon. and then move on to bigger and better things, like my own room. Today was actually good for a change. I walked into this tiny store and saw all the autumn signs and halloween costumes and everything that makes fall such a perfect season. I'm actually seeing the trees left standing from the past hurricane turn into bright yellow leaves. it makes me smile so much inside

my eyes hurt

i can't sleep.

"It's done like a violent limp that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were truth I would rather lose than to have never lain in the sun at all"

"and the truth is i’ve been dreaming of some tired tranquil place

where the weather won’t get trapped inside my bones and if all these years of searching find one sympathetic face then it's there i'll plant these seeds and make my home."

pictures took from my cell phone. there not the best quality but I just decided to edit them. i walked around town like I owned the streets the day after Hurricane Ike. Those pictures are just a glance of what happened that night. Everything was a disaster. We had no power for almost 3 days. Until today people are still without it. Powerlines were all over the place..OK bye.

The shutter clicked, but the film did not go 'round

Nada surf and huge headphones on a very dark day. Hurricane Ike is ridiculous and I'm scared. but we're going to pull through.

let the ocean rock us back and forth to sleep

The only time I traveled to Austin for a concert was to see The Fray. It was one day after my birthday. Until this day, I like to think its the best birthday present I ever received in my life. Now I'm going again just to see Conor Oberst! But this time it won't be a gift. It'll become an experience. I like visiting Austin. I've been going to that city since I was a kid. My mom's sister lives out there so we'd always be there on special occasions. Now not so much. My parent's divorce got in the way and money became a problem. Sometimes I think that maybe it wasn't really how it seemed. I don't know to much but eitherway I enjoy being in Austin and breathing a different air. It makes me feel alive y'know? I can't wait for September 26, it should be interesting.

we should move to Sausalito

I get to go to the Austin City Limits Festival!! I'm soooooooooooo HAPPY. ah I'm gonna stock up on Polaroid Film and money. MEEP!? I get to finally see Conor Oberst live. and Stars. I won't be able to catch Okkervil River. It SUCKS. I will try my hardest to make it up there in the front. Holy cow this is unbelievable. The HORRIBLE thing is, I'll be missing my chance of seeing Ben kweller in Houston. I'm so upset about it too. I'm on his street team and I'm suppose to be promoting his show, I already have flyers coming in the mail. It makes my stomach hurt just thinking of it. I really want to see/meet him.

In other news, I already have a list of Posters I want to get for my room. I can't find any Jim Halpert posters for me and Julia, its driving insane but Dwight will do. He makes us laugh. I also have Lost in Translation on my list and Bright Eyes(who they don't have) and a couple of other bands and yeah. I wish I had someone around me 24/7 that gets me. No one in this town does. That was so random. but its true 99% of the time.

there you are in your black dress moving slow to the sadness

Augustana and Counting Crows is tomorrow! I'm so happy, really. like I'm prepared to see this show no matter how far back I'll be hah. I love that feeling of going to a show you countdown too thats finally here. Its glorious. I'm ready

what a lonesome feeling

theres so much truth out there. today was my brothers birthday. we just came back from dinner. everything went glorious. we still have to cut the cake. he's nineteen now

I wish I'd see a field below

today hurrican gustav happened. it was very windy outside. and I still went to work. i would sit there and just think how could these people shop for shoes when a hurricane is in the happening. i didn't like today. i don't know what I'm really trying to find anymore. I have this idea that maybe I just need what makes me happy. and thats something I don't have with me anymore. i feel like i'm losing in touch with everything around me. and I never thought I'd find myself saying all of this is just pointless. someone very dear to me told me this today: "Why do we always want what we can't have and always have what we don't really want?" it made me cry. I'm listening to "for my own good" from the damnwells. geeze that song gets me everytime. it just gives me this feeling that I felt the first time I heard it. I don't know whats going to happen. I had this picture in my head where I'm a lot older and I'm thinking back on the times me and my dad would just talk about life over a burger. we did that today and it made me smile. i love him so much. i think the best part of my day was having a moment. I layed on the street with my arms spread wide open and I just felt the wind pass over me. the sky was cloudy and this old lady across the street just kept staring at me. this is semptember 1st.