I'll make you a coat out of rain

my diana film is on its way as we speak. its funny how things work out. anyway, One more day and anna is home. I had a dream last night where she said "I hope you know I decorated it with all my heart" I can't wait to see what she brought back from NY and hear all her stories. I feel bad because I haven't gone shopping for stuff to put on our scrapbook. I'm really bad at stuff like that. now I'm too scared to keep promises. Walter keeps trying to get out of his cage. Maybe I'm overthinking it and he's just trying to sharpen his teeth. He looked so cute trying to bite through. I tried to pet him and he almost got a hold of my finger and bite me.

I feel like I'm running out of time. In six months I'll be eighteen. I'm not ready to be eighteen. I wasn't ready to be seventeen either. I don't want to grow up yet. I want to stay like this forever. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. and How I wish I can do more things that you can't do once your older. and I want my camera. I think about it every night before I go to bed. and everytime its 11:11 PM, I wish for my camera. My dad owes me money. and all that money is going to her. theres so many things I want to take pictures off. I have so many still frames in my mind right now. I want to take pictures forever. I doIdoIdo. Its everything I love. I D K. whatever. I just need to know that when I'm eighteen things will be better. I want to be free. I want a car. I want to be able to go anywhere I feel happy. I want so many things that I can't have now. I need to think about myself more. I don't even know myself yet. I never ever did.