Miss California

i like saturdays and the rocket summer. blue skies and the morning's air. i like you, you like me. there's something wrong with this picture. let's turn it upside down so we can see. the insecurities caused by the last four years of economic downsizing in the eastern us. i like february along with tilly and the wall. pretty pictures and shirts that are too small. for my child-like figure that you're so in love with. i like the autumn's leaves and bright eyes. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. stands strong in my favorites of all time. along with you and your technicolor eyes. you say johnny cash is your favorite singer. but you've never heard folsom prison blues. how do you expect me to believe you. i was never much on country songs but. someone should really tell you to come home. 'cause it's getting (awfully) late. and your dinner's getting cold. i like simple songs with pretty words. i tried poetry, but it's just no good. the pages get lost, besides i'd much rather sing to you. i love living life with you by my side. you're a smart kid with a beautiful smile. and oh god those technicolor eyes. i like saturdays and the rocket summer. night skies and that lovely stare. i like you, you like me. so lets lock all the doors. there's nothing outside we need to see. 'cause we've got love. yeah we've got a tv we can watch "Friends" all we want. and we can laugh at how i laugh like Ross when i get nervous. and we don't have to worry about tomorrow. because we know it's gonna come. whether we want it to or not

sunday drive

But here's a thanks for a summer I'll always remember.


ice cream sandwiches, going swimming, eating fajitas, watching boxing matches, wasting polaroids, missing someone, work work work

your the only good thing that keeps me hanging on.

this is odd for me. i dont understand. maybe i'm paranoid. i think i'm gonna end up shopping by myself. and going to the wedding by myself. i'll just go and ask my mom to take me to get my stuff from your house tomorrow. and then thats it

its easy if you try

I almost forgot how much I love John Lennon. I've been watching all his documentaries saved on my dvr. all day. I could've been hanging out with anna but I guess she has other things going on. she thinks I'm angry at her

I work tomorrow. its depressing but at least I earn money. no film today, i'm upset. I don't even know if San Fran is going to happen. I think my parents are ok with it but I honestly dont think its gonna happen. August 6th will be here and it'll go by just like any other day.
i need to stop making plans. I dont want to get so ahead of myself especially when it isn't ever going to happen. i hope she goes so I can go. I don't think she realizes how much i love hanging out with her. it makes me tear up

i shouldn't force things. it looks bad on my part

the distance destoys who I am

He always gets so mad things you laugh at.
"Don't get so worked up" you'd say. But on the
back deck you admit that you haven't felt much
like laughing lately anyway. And so I say, "that
could change."

I noticed how you waste no time making your way
across the room. You leave a wake of tongues
still waving after you. And it isn't no coincidence
where you finally choose to stand. I guess soon
you will be leaving your man.

It's a sweet smile and then a denial. Hey, you
are just trying to be nice. But there is a meaning
to every fleeting action you unconsciously
decide. The clocks they chime. Now it's time.

I know you try and play it cool but there are
some thoughts you just can't hide. Only in your
closest friends do you confide. The way you say
you'll be seeing me, oh like it's so offhand. I
guess soon you will be leaving your man.

You stare at me so boldly now. You have no lack
of confidence. It's just those lessons on sublety
you missed. I know you dream of saving me
like I'm some plane that you could land. But
when you fly you'll be leaving your man.


16 more days for San Fran anna. just sixteen

oh I believe in yesterday

issac
Originally uploaded by wilshireblvd [circa1983]

that picture is perfect. Yesterday you wouldn't believe what happened. I saw my old best friend's dad and brothers and niece. I would always see them together. I was at work and i was trying to get by so her dad said excuse me. we both looked up and we locked eyes and just knew. I swear I felt so relief. I saw Miranda and I hadn't seen her in three years. She was so beautiful. her eyes always shined so bright. I didn't know whether to ask him If he remembered me or anything. I should have said something. Its funny because, i promise to you the other week I kept thinking about her and all our sleepovers and moments we shared and I missed her soo much. She disappeared out of my life just like that and I was worried about her. I think it was kind of a sign for me. That she was ok and even If I didn't get the chance to see her, I know at least her family are doing great. They looked happy

hi

hi

anna will be here in 4 HOURS

ahhh. i can't wait i can't wait i can't waitt

i'm gonna go get ready. i'm so happy i'm seeing her todayyyy. she's dropping me off my present. i'm excited to see what this whole talk was about

i saw the best movie in my entire life today. i love it? i might watch again tonight over and over and over. because i do that with movies i'm in love with.

and i might go to San Fran? yeah omg holy shit
i'm keeping my fingers crossed

photographs

A Writing from the Skateboard Mag
words by Steve Berra
page 065

Photographs are fascinating.
They show us how things were while subsequently telling us they aren’t that way anymore.
They tell us everything in the past tense.
They tell us we were younger.
They tell us we were skinnier, fatter, hairier, uglier, prettier, more alive, or more dead than now.
They tell us what cars we drove, what friends we have, what clothes we wore, what tricks we did on what, and where we were when we did them.
They tell us how embarrassing, frustrating, saddening, and exhilarating life was or wasn’t for us at the time.
They tell us that everything we’re looking at in a photograph is different than it used to be, and that its an empirical fact that nothing remains exactly the same forever.

That’s what’s fascinating about a photograph; it can serve as kind of a yardstick for progression or digression.
You can look at one of yourself and ask, ”Have I changed for better or for worse since this[photo] was taken? Have I been a good friend or haven’t I? Have I done my job well or have I not?”

Regardless of what the answer is, you can always change, because nothing in this universe stays exactly the same forever, including yourself.

I'll make you a coat out of rain

my diana film is on its way as we speak. its funny how things work out. anyway, One more day and anna is home. I had a dream last night where she said "I hope you know I decorated it with all my heart" I can't wait to see what she brought back from NY and hear all her stories. I feel bad because I haven't gone shopping for stuff to put on our scrapbook. I'm really bad at stuff like that. now I'm too scared to keep promises. Walter keeps trying to get out of his cage. Maybe I'm overthinking it and he's just trying to sharpen his teeth. He looked so cute trying to bite through. I tried to pet him and he almost got a hold of my finger and bite me.

I feel like I'm running out of time. In six months I'll be eighteen. I'm not ready to be eighteen. I wasn't ready to be seventeen either. I don't want to grow up yet. I want to stay like this forever. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. and How I wish I can do more things that you can't do once your older. and I want my camera. I think about it every night before I go to bed. and everytime its 11:11 PM, I wish for my camera. My dad owes me money. and all that money is going to her. theres so many things I want to take pictures off. I have so many still frames in my mind right now. I want to take pictures forever. I doIdoIdo. Its everything I love. I D K. whatever. I just need to know that when I'm eighteen things will be better. I want to be free. I want a car. I want to be able to go anywhere I feel happy. I want so many things that I can't have now. I need to think about myself more. I don't even know myself yet. I never ever did.

p.s.

I had ace use the same sharpie augustana signed with on June 3rd. Its safe in my purple box right this minute.

oh and Music vs. Drunk Driving just added me on myspace
I really love when I get noticed like that

There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you

at exactly 4:17 p.m I saw ace pulling in with their van. I smiled so big
around one hour later I see ace and jenn walking around the block lol


if your reading this you care. and I care soooooo much that you care. thanks

July 12th was great. It could have been better but I guess it all depended on the crowd and this crowd was so mean.
I don't feel like blabbing about random things that happened that night but I'll write this:

Lead singer of Power Space grabbed my hand like he was going to propose and was like less than 4inches away from my face singing into my eyes. it lasted around six seconds. the girls next to me were freaking out and said things like "omg, he likes you!!" hee and I was like nooo he could have done that to you silly and they kept saying it and smiling at me. I had to take a picture of him. It was so sweet, believe me. I can finally say I've had a lead singer serenade meeeeeeeeee

Danger radio.
They were great but whatever the lead singers name, saw me like about to cry because i was being smashed and he kept having his "shit" all in my face like I was going to actually reach out to him and he was all over me and I felt his sweat all on my face. Right before he was about to get off stage he walks over to me and looks at me and says, "are you okay?" aw haha I could'nt help but say yes oh and he kicked my camera off the stage by accident two times.

Ace enders.
i wish i knew all of the band member's name but I only know Jenn and robin and ace. =/
the second guitarist kept smiling at me because I knew all of the words to their songs and i felt like the bass player was playing his bass just for me because he kept looking down towards me and Jenn was just so smiley all the time and ace would come towards our side and start singing in front of me and I never reached my hand out to him because I had so much respect for Jenn. at the end of the show I think she kept looking over at me and ace when I was trying to tell him how to spell my name and he was just leaning towards me while i laughed because he never got it right. it was cute and so i gave up and i told him it was okay and he just gave me this innocent look and he smiled and signed it anyway and then we took three pictures until I found one I liked he was real nice about ittt.

i saw cute while i was at the merch table with jenn and ace.
ace kept looking up at them while these kids were trying to get a hold of him hahaha

oh and jenn signed this promotional paper of their project and she told me to try my shirt on right there before I bought it and then she almost forgot to give me the donkeys tail lol
its this velcro thing you stick on the shirtttt
then i bought buttons

I have a bunch of random videos recorded and pictures
I think some of these pictures are the best pictures I have ever took

Ace enderssssss

Today to start off my day, I'll do a few karoakes. It always jump starts me lol. So yesterday at work it was kind of fun. Even if I left around 1:30 in the morning. I met a bunch of cool people and we hung out and worked at the same time. I was feeling kind of sad becuase of him but I found out he left me a note in the back counter and it read "Jeannette, please don't be mad at $@!$%^, he's your buddy!" I thought it was sweet because I was really upset over him and that note just kind of made it all better. By the way, we have these notes that we exchange secretly with different identities. He always end his with <3 rusty shakelford lol. Its funny how one little thing can change your mood so quickly. Now I'm happy. Its stupid how I'm crushing real hard and he can't do anything about it. and that I'm just some little girl with a big crush. Its at that point where you don't care what anyone else says. Because at least you know. =) ahh. well in a few hours I'll be the first in line. TODAY IS A BIG DEAL. i can't wait for today to happen. mmmmmmmmmmm i smell shrimp. I love you

gr?

"Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you"

agnjklaghf

I'm upset, happy, sad, angry, lost and I don't know what to do about it.
whatever.

i go in at work in twenty minutes. and I'm gonna be working until 1am. but tomorrow i have to wake up early. I hope tomorrow is a good day. I hope everything comes out perfect.

P.s I'm gonna take a break.
after Saturday

the internet depresses me.

when you're so far you'll forget about me

Wind is cold alright back in dallas.
the neon light from the building lets you know you're home.
You'd go way back when if you wanted to be my friend or you'd call me.
I'd Understand, its true.

I don't feel like I'm falling.
No, I don't feel like I'm falling.
No, I don't feel like I'm falling down.
Just say hello to the ground.

Wait there, Ill be right back.
Down in times square its a heart attack.
All the feeling makes you feel so new.
Trees fall and so do men.
Even the walls start caving in and you feel like
there's no pretend for you.

But I don't feel like I'm falling.
No, I don't feel like I'm falling.
No, I don't feel like I'm falling down.
Just say hello to the ground.

We could talk if days weren't so fast,
And mistakes just leave it so unsure.
Wanna hold you like never before
'case were falling and I love you more and more.

Do you feel like you're falling down?
Do you feel like you're falling down?
I don''t feel like I'm falling-falling-falling down.

I don't feel like I'm falling.
No, I don't feel like I'm falling.
No, I don't feel like I'm falling down.
Just say hello to the ground.

Homesick lovesong

I hung out with Ashley today.
it started out really great but then she got upset with her Bf and she just ignored me. Way to go Ash!
I know what camera I'm gonna get. I have all the information and everythingg. Now all I need is my $600 and I'm good to go. I fell in love with it. I just sat there with the camera for about thirty minutes snapping pictures and day dreaming of all the good times we're gonna have together. I'm so happy now that I found my new best friend. the camera that is, hee. I love anna's voicemails. I think she's the only one in this town that gets me. and I hope everything she says to me, she means it. I hope we live in France together and we decorate our home with IKEA. thats my dream starting now.

3 MORE DAYS

You can only talk so much about things that are never, ever going to happen

syd is finally at my place. I sat him next to the window that way he can feel like as if he were outside. and I have the DVDS that anna left for me so I can watch while she's gone. I think I'll do that tonight. I work tomorrow, it kinda sucks. I don't think you realize how important Saturday is gonna be for me. I was hoping I'd have 120 film for my Diana by that time, but its such a bummer when your poor. I want Last Saturday night back. I think he has an idea that I like him. He's such a goof, its kind of ridiculous. we can talk about everything and not feel completely out of it. anyway, my phone has been dead for about 2 days. but I have the charger now and everything is going back to normal. I'm happy. and I also met a new pen pal. She's from norway but I haven't heard from her, i'm worried. lol Eitherway, I'm counting the days off until anna comes back. JULY 13 is near. right after the day I see ace enders. I think this weekend is gonna be good. I don't know what I'll do that Sunday for my anniversary. I have no clue. Here's a song that I'm in love with at the moment. Its called Yellow from Okkervil River:

You can only talk so much about things that are never, ever going to happen. My brother’s at home with his dog and his cat and his wife is at a friend’s. You can only go on so long about feelings that never, ever actually touch you. No matter how much she told him “I love you,” he found it would depend on the gifts that he bought her, or how badly she was hurt when the boss was cruel at work. But he’d just say “I love you,” and he’d reach out to her. He was feeling like shit when I came to visit and walked through the door of his tiny apartment. We went for a walk through the park by the market so we could get some air. And I told to him all things intended to help him, especially that, simply because it was ending, that that didn’t mean she was always pretending. Real happiness was there. I could see and I could tell: it was real love that they felt. And I’m sorry it didn’t end well, but some things just don’t - that’s life, and you shouldn’t blame yourself. And all of these things, well, I truly believe them. Our paths and our futures are hidden in mists that are stretching out over impossible distances, totally obscured. And I really do think that there’s probably more good than anger or selfishness, sickness, or sadness would ever completely allow us to have in this life, I think I’m sure. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. We were walking towards our dad, while getting out of that school bus, and he just said “I love you,” and he reached out

seventeen on a summer roof

"You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere"

"that day we walked a little deeper
breathless and too alive to sleep
you always said i was a dreamer "

"And when that morning comes
I'll make coffee and you'll read the paper
We'll talk about our plans
And I'll keep saying how lucky we are"

"so tonight we're gonna sleep out on the lawn
the fireflies might kiss your cheek, but don't you worry, they're not mean
and the moon will be here all night to sing us both to sleep"

"And it ends like this
with a quote from an 80's song
'sing me to sleep'
she was hoping for it all along"

well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses

i can't believe i'm not going to see JM at warp.
I bought my ticket for nothing.
i wish someone was coming with me.
and i called today off and i'm still suppose to come in.
this week is going to be real tough.
anna is in NY and my stuff is at her house.
and next Sat is ACE ENDERS.
alkgnlkfjgag blah.