I think the worst part of today was finding out Walgreens doesn't develop 35mm film instantly anymore. I'm losing all hope.

bastard of midnight

i'm having this moment where everything is moving so fast and i just want to freeze time because i'm not ready to move forward. i feel stuck and i don't feel like I should and i'm lost and confused and alone and there's nothing holding me together. I feel like i've lost a limb and it's so hard to do this. i've neglected so many things and i have changed so much but there's a part of me that doesn't want to grow up. and even though i fucked everything up, i have so much hope inside of me. hope that everything is going to get better and that i'm not always going to feel this emotional about people leaving and always being let down. i don't know what happened to me. i used to stand up tall all by myself and i have forgotten to remind myself for that. i wish i had someone to tell me everything is going to be ok.

Tomorrow I turn 22. I am so happy that I am finally getting older. That's how I feel hah :)

Isn't it strange how things can change you?

4 years ago today. I wish so bad I could wake up and relive that moment.

Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?

I'm sorry but I kinda already have this thing planned for my birthday.

Yesterday I help put up the Christmas tree and lights on the house. It was a good day. and today my boss calls me and says I don't have to go to work and i'm going to pick up my ultra flip from craigslist for 60 bucks and i'm so excited because i miss recording moments on video and it will be perfect for new years. I don't want to say it just yet but I hope this trip happens. it will be my first real roadtrip out of the state. and I want it to be perfect. the other day I was watching taylor swift on netflix and the place she came from and how i kept seeing this state everywhere. it's a sign. :)

i just ran into this blog. holy cow it was years ago.

http://autumnlovesrain.tumblr.com/

 It's Thanksgiving break and families are starting to to put Christmas lights up. I can't wait to see this town light up. I notice people are so much friendlier this time of the year. I just wish things were always this peaceful but I know bad things are happening across the country that can't be controlled. Right now I'm listening to The Fray live in Sydney 06 and omh is making me smile. My boss Gail told me on her way to work this morning she kept thinking how blessed she is to have me and the other girls on the team. I felt bad because I kept talking out loud how I was looking for a second job the day before. I know I was going to regret certain things but shit happens. I'm just glad I have time for myself again.