omg

You haunt my dreams like the sweet refrain of my favorite song.

I want to run away and not look back. I want to have no plans except to keep going. I want to meet strange new people and have conversations that change me. I watched The Holiday today. My favorite part was when Graham admits to Amanda that he's a major weeper. Kinda like me. "A good book, a great film, a birthday card, I weep." haha. I think I look nice in black. I've been listening to Ray LaMontagne. I'm picking out a tripod tomorrow for my canon. I didn't tell you about my dreams. I keep having these dreams of you and I wake myself out of them. Kinda like when I stop myself from seeing you. Don't ever let me leave you. I want to dance. I want to be spun in circles and be carried away. I love you Dirty Dancing. I want to feel wind blow me away. I want Ray on my record player. I want to be swooned. at all times. I can't wait for Summer.

alone and I'm in between...

Sometimes I don't know if I should hate myself for always spending every second trying to bring myself back to those days. I just feel so numb all of a sudden. I don't want to be like everyone else. Someone made me a mix cd so I'm gonna take a bike ride to the woods and listen to that. I haven't listened to any of those songs that have significantly changed me. Maybe that's why I don't feel like myself. I am nineteen years old. nineteen. I don't believe it. I still have a lot to learn and I don't want to be sorry about that. I can't believe May is almost here either.

we're only taking turns.

I haven't heard a thing you've said
In at least a couple hundred days
What'd you say?

“then we can age and fall away
and meet again some golden day
and fill it in our happy way
in starlight and in gold”

sort it out.

I am happy right where I am. I mean it. I wish I could be this happy for 50 years or so..it counts. Most assuredly. If I could be this girl that I am when your close by then holy crap. I see more when I'm blessed. because this is the way. I imagine what? Being there. numero uno agh.

I don't want to be here anymore. I am so sick of living in this city. I am sick of being here. I want to run away. I don't care anymore.

i've been missing them.

i can't keep living in this dead or dying dream.