your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation

My cousin and I did a whole bottle of Tequila and I didn't feel bad about it. This is something that happened and it's happening now and it's not gonna keep happening because I didn't really like my first true hangover. It felt horrible. I wanted to die the next day. All I kept doing was gagging and I felt gross. I guess it took me a full day to recover. I'm just gonna lay it out on here. because I want to remember me and all the stupid stuff. We dranked at the back of her house at around 1am while we sat outside in the cold with our two bottle shots and lemons/salt and it was ok because we talked about life and I had this beautiful view of a field behind her house and it was pitch black and the only thing lit was the moon. i remember a little after all that. but i don't remember most of what happened. I do remember when i was trying to get up my body was so limp and my head kept hitting the cement. I didn't really feel anything. but when I got up to sneak inside I broke a glass and made all this obvious noise and i was ruining everything. she told me she tried to pick me up to take me but i was so limp that i layed on the kitchen floor like an new drunk and started to crawl to her bed. i crawled and i got on and passed out. the next day was hell. it was the worst day of my life this year. just the thought of how I felt about everything makes me want to never drink again. i probably won't any more pahaha RAHHHH!!! i had to drive the next morning to get us something to eat and the low fuel light was on and i remember it being on the last time we drove that car. and we still managed to drive 3-4 miles while i was sick.

I sat in Max's red dog house with him and we watched the rain fall hard. I wish I had my camera, my cons were all wet and dirty and he had his head underneath my legs. it's also getting cold outside. which is nice because I love being cold and wearing hoodies. October, you are the best.

I love racing my eyes on a drive. Lately my focus are on street names. :) I don't know why it's taken me this long to realize that they give me inspiration too. There are so many random ones hah but my most favorite is Lion's Gate. I hope if I ever have a street name it will be just as cool as that one. Max has been running wildly instead of freely. He started chasing a neighbor kid on his bike today. Then I ran and started panting and shouting his name to come back. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to walk him without a leash. It kinda reminds me of Away We Go when Ln says "I LOVE my babies. Why would I want to PUSH them away from me?"

It's clear you have a death wish
And from what I hear, your latest dish
Lives for you, and scares you half to death

You bend over backwards to make a statement
Hang from the rafters and lick the pavement
Split your lip and barely catch your breath

Your lovely eyes, they close like petals
Your sweet surprise could win you medals
You strut your stuff and fan your peacock feathers

Even if you fake it to get attention
Whatever it'll take to get them to listen
Piss on your designer boots and designer leathers


Hey Little Rock Star, what don't you see
This is not all that it's cracked up to be
And I can't say I blame you
For throwing the towel in or buying more fame
by cashing your chips in
But with all of your talent, and so much to gain
To toss it away like that would be such a shame

Juvenile delinquent, misunderstood
Peter Pan and Robin Hood
Will you ever do the things you're afraid to do

Will you ever know happiness, Little Rock Star
Or is your death wish stronger than you are
Will you go up in flames like the torches
that are carried for you

Hey little rockstar

Yesterday Rachel came over and she painted my walls with Polaroids. I had to finish up the rest with posters. I didn't really do a great job. She lives so much closer to me now. When I have days off I'm gonna ride my bike to her house. She has a ferret. I'm not walking Max with a leash. He's so young and has so much energy in him. I let him free. He runs so fast all over. Only when I call him does he follow me. I have the window open and I'm watching the leaves fall. It's soo so nice. I wish I didnt have to go to work.
that's Julia's letter. and the posters in the back are falling apart. I'm gonna use thumbtacks insteadd.

last nght i had a dream that Liz and I went to a show to see The Fray together and my friends were there and they be traded me because I didn't pay any attention to them. That concert was the best. After the show my be traded friends left me to find the guys theirselves and me and liz (who were quite the pair) sneeked inside the department store where they were having lunch at. or something. and once we got in we had to go inside this door and but there were two ladies supervising the entry. I think once Liz crawled to the door (lololol) one of the lady's was in the bathroom and the other lady was turned the other way. so then it was my turn to sneak. but in my dream an asain little boy named Deshi appeared. and i told him to hush and not say anything. i wish i could have told him to distract the ladies instead. adfjkaig. so then i never had the chance to crawl and cross over to the door. then it was time for them to go and she did a search and found me and told me she was taking away my card for any of the entrances. i think deshi must've told on me. then i left. i woke up and fell back to sleep and i saw liz and we found the guys eating and i had this ball or something that i wanted them to sign just for the hell because i wanted a reason to see all of them. but then i was so worried about liz and taking pictures of her and letting her stuff get signed that i told isaac i would be back in a little bit since liz was going to get pictures taken with dave. i came back and he was gone.

i gave back the t-shirt that you'd always wear
i went by your work & just left it there
all the leaves are brown
& it's autumn now

it was a summer fling
don't take it personal or anything
you can wear your heart on your sleeve
but pull your sweater over

no more kisses under shooting stars
no more rides on the handlebars
no more drive-ins
in the back seat of your parents' car

it was a summer fling
& it didn't mean anything
& you can cry your eyes out on the phone
oh yeah

Your lovely eyes, they close like petals your sweet surprise could win you medals

Having day dreams at night are my favorite. Especially when I'm feeling very sleepy and I just had the longest day of my life hah. It's nice. And then you just let out a very sweet sigh and your ready to lay in your cozy bed to dream. have two days off. My polaroid film should be coming in the mail shortly. I can't wait to just come home from work and walk over to the horses to pet them and take pictures of them. I need one of Max too. He won't stay this beautiful forever. I'm listening to Lucinda Willams. She's so lovely.

And your voice cracks like a piano

I wrote a letter about my day yesterdayyy. October 1st. October. OCT. I taped my posters and polaroids up on my wall mainly. I went to three different walgreen's just so they can tell me Polaroid film has discontinued from their warehouses. My wall is slanted. :/ It seems like a drunk person did it hah. But I like itttt. a lot. :) I'm so exhausted of working. My hours are only getting worse. :( I'm working 8hrs a day and I'm not used to that. I'm so tiny don't you know? But this is something I have to do. Soon, I'll be livin the dream. I will start college soon. But I gotta go. Now that I have money I'm in the mood for beef jerky and ice cream. Brand New on Halloween night! FUCK WALMART. and their rude customers. I will never say anything more than just a "hi." Unless your old and sweet. SIGH. I just remembered I have to walk Max. He's SUCH a baby. cjkabgrguiua but I miss you. I love you. Thanks, really. It means so much.