January 31, 2010

i am so predictable and i hate myself

And it starts, sometime around midnight.
Or at least that’s when you lose yourself
for a minute or two.
As you stand, under the bar lights.
And the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while.
And the piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile.
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her for a while.

But you know, that she’s watching.
She’s laughing, she’s turning.
She’s holding her tonic like a cross*.
The room’s suddenly spinning.
She walks up and asks how you are.
So you can smell her perfume.
You can see her lying naked in your arms.

And so there’s a change, in your emotions.
And all these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind.
Of the curl of your bodies,
like two perfect circles entwined.
And you feel hopeless and homeless
and lost in the haze of the wine.

Then she leaves, with someone you don’t know.
But she makes sure you saw her.
She looks right at you and bolts.
As she walks out the door,
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes.
Oh and when your friends say,
“What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Then you walk, under the streetlights.
And you’re too drunk to notice,
that everyone is staring at you.
You just don’t care what you look like,
the world is falling around you.

You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You know that she’ll break you in two.

January 26, 2010

I went driving today and as soon as I sat in my car, I noticed how quickly the sun felt hitting my knees and how it felt hitting the back of my neck and how it gave off this nice warm summer smell. I don't know how to explain it hah. It was just so warm and it reminded me of being a kid and falling asleep in the backseat on really hot days. I'm so excited to drive in my car during the summer. like today i had the windows down for the first time. I smell spring badly. I was waking on a little board walk earlier and it was warm out and there was a little fountain and it just smelled so good. the way water is suppose to smell on summer days y'know? :) I was so tempted to sit there and stick my feet in. It hasn't been this beautiful since October. I'm excited for some sun again. Well anyway, I just found out that Rushmore the movie was filmed in Houston, TX. I recognize the schools and well I want to go and check it out. I'm so excited for this. I now have actual lists of cool places I want to visit in this city.

January 25, 2010

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you

January 18, 2010

i listened to the fray on vinyl todayy. i wrote about it and i recorded a little cllip of how it was like. i wish i can listen to it everyday. i’m so happy right now. here watch this, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyMeyDg22lM i hope you love it. PS, 10 days left before I turn 19. I'm gonna cry.


January 17, 2010

well i just pressed play for the first time on my record player. i waited so long to hook up my dad's amp for this. i can't believe i waited this long. why?! i cried. i didn't mean to. it just started coming. i sat there and just watched the record spin and so were my thoughts. i felt like i had to. if you only knew how much i loved the moment i first heard the static sparkle. and to hear conor's voice sing about perfection and music and capturing a moment on camera. i can't wait for tomorrow. i have a day off and i'm officially just gonna lay in my room and listen to the entire noise floor album and the fray's htsal and self title. and simon and garfunkel's bookends. God. there's no way im not missing out on this. now all i need is an amazing set of headphones. siiigh. i love music.
So would you sing with me
The song is all I know
Some truths are told now only in a melody
So I’ve been writing a new one

Yeah, I’ve been taking my time with it
It’s gonna be so perfect
It’s gonna hold all of us inside of it
You will see
If you just add your harmony
I think it would be complete
And be worthy of singing
Becomes a symphony

Yeah, you’re the cool of the water
You’re the start of the summer
Keep me still like a anchor
In a storm you’re the cellar
When I’m heavy with worry make me light as a feather
When I’m deafened by anger you’re the song I remember
With the grace of a dancer and the strength of a pillar
When I’m starving to suffer you just fill me with laughter
You’re a poet
And a saint
You are the only one I choose to imitate
Oh, like the love of a father through the eye of a camera
It’s this picture I have seen
We’re on a sloping hill of green
And you are walking there beside me

Entry Way Song - Bright Eyes


Vinyl Only :)


January 11, 2010

I'm watching the Simpson's 20th anniversary special right now.

here's a picture for you,

January 10, 2010

skyping with julia and reading our letters over to each other. that has to be my FAVORITE. there is nothing like it.

January 8, 2010

Been thinking about you
Your record's a hit
Your eyes are on my wall
Your teeth are over there
But I'm still no one
And you're my star
What do you care?

Been thinking about you
And there's no rest
Should I still love you
Still see you in bed
But I'm playing with myself
What do you care?
When the other men are far far better

All the things you've got
All the things you need
Who bought you cigarettes
Who bribed the company to come and see you honey?

I've been thinking about you
So how can you sleep
These people aren't your friends
They're paid to kiss your feet
They don't know what I know
And why should you care
When I'm not there

Been thinking about you
And there's no rest
Should I still love you
Still see you in bed
But I'm playing with myself
What do you care?
When I'm not there.

All the things you've got
That you'll never need
All the things you've got
I've bled and I'd bleed to please you
... honey

Been thinking about you..

January 5, 2010

you slow me down.

January 3, 2010

i...don't know what to write in my fray notebook.